this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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