Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
