Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize