haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize