Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
