My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You made out with two different species that night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
