dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
