"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
