I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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