im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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