I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so much tequila, so little girl.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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