At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
