you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
