I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
