I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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