He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
