That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
