haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
