Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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