He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You were trust falling into bushes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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