my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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