I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
