The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
