I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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