My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
