I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I skipped work to stalk him.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
