you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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