hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
