very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
