that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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