There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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