theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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