I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
