How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
