Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
