Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
