The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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