a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize