you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
