On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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