So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
