careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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