Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
