I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
