wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
