I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am midnight drunk by noon
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
