Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize