the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
