some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
