New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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