were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
