I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
