I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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