someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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