I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
