life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
