I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize