first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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