There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
