Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize