Why does Corona taste like a burp?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
