Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
