that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
