Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize