I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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