I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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