The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
