Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
