Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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