so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize