I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
